My dear friends...

And Time rolls on...doesn't it? So fast that it makes my head spin...

I mean, look at it! It's already February. A moment ago it was Christmas, a breath ago it was the beginning of the New Year - and now it's February!

In a second or two nearly 10% of the year will be GONE. That's one-tenth of the time you thought you had to do what you thought you were going to do in 2008.

In other words, don't waste another minute getting started. Often, it's "getting started" that's the toughest for some people. Getting started on that diet, getting started on that project, getting started on that new way of life...

We keep looking for "a sign" that this is the "right time" or the "right way." Well, consider this: What you are reading here could be your sign.

What made you read this material today? What caused you to open this e-mail publication and start in on this? Do you know? Do you have any idea?

You did. YOU caused all this to happen. You followed an impulse, and here you are reading these words. Now pay attention to that. Pay heed. Pay notice. Watch. Observe. Witness what is going on. Consider the possibility that you are telling yourself something here. Consider the possibility that you are telling yourself to get going, get moving, get on with it - whatever "it" is.

Doing what you said you would

What was it that you told yourself on January 1st that you were absolutely going to do in 2008? For that matter, what was it that you told someone else last week that you were going to do?

Okay, get going. Time is running out. We have encountered what Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. memorably termed the fierce urgency of Now.

Now is a magic time. It is magic because it is the only time when anything happens. So if you want to make something happen, you're going to have to begin to make it happen Now.

RIGHT Now. Not in "a couple of now's" from Now, but RIGHT Now.

This goes for wanting to change your life or wanting to change the world.

AS AN EXAMPLE...and I realize this is a small matter...unless it is not...but...have you decided on something, have you picked out something, for your Beloved on Valentine's Day? Well, you've better get to it. Time is running out. You don't have to always wait until the last minute and then try to find something halfway decent on the way home February 14. You can handle all this right now.

AS AN EXAMPLE...do you owe someone some money that you have promised to pay back, and just haven't done so yet? Would Now be a good time to keep that promise, even if it makes things a little tight in your world for a week or so?

AS AN EXAMPLE...is someone waiting for you to keep a promise on something you said you were going to do? Would Now be a good time to get the ball rolling on that, finally?

And what, I ask again, have you promised yourself? Is there a chit out there that your Self is holding, waiting for You to redeem it?

Is this the year you promised yourself a new body? Is this the year you promised yourself a new job? Is this the year you promised yourself a new relationship?

Okay, folks...just a short noticement here...

It's FEBRUARY.

You really have got to "see it to believe it"

And speaking of things that you have been meaning to do, may I please send you one more word about our new electronic magazine? I know that I've talked a lot about this lately, but I mean it when I say "you've got to see it to believe it!" It really IS a wonderful way to stay connected with the energy of CWG.  

The January issue, as I mentioned last week, is wonderful! As I said then, I am so proud of what Marion Black and her team has done with this idea of a new way to communicate the messages and the meaning of Conversations with God.

When you open this electronic file (accessible via the Internet to anyone who subscribes) you get pages and pages of wonderful articles, tips, questions-and-answers on CWG, you name it!  AND...terrific color graphics and photos, many of which are animated.

If you didn't take up our offer to see an issue free of charge last week... I hope you will do so right now.

Click on the link just below and take a glance at THIS MONTH'S ISSUE of this fabulous electronic magazine. You're going to love it.

Just click here: http://viewer.zmags.com/showmag.php?mid=pswhp

And I will see you here next week, when we'll take a close look at love and romantic relationships!

Hugs,

Neale.

Dear Friends:

This week as always after we finish our Life Mission Training I'm doing a bit of my own personal work in Florida.  As many of you may remember, last year it was the ten-day Vipassana meditation.  This year I've decided to do a ten-day individual intensive.  I have no idea what it will entail or bring to me, but I'm writing this article a week early, since I won't be available when it's time to submit for the bulletin.

I'm thinking a lot lately about a circumstance that I encounter more frequently than I'd like to in the journey through my life.  It has to do with loving others without condition.  As my favorite chapter in CWG-Book 1, chapter 8 speaks about - the "my will for you is your will for you" part.

I find I do a great job with this part of loving another unconditionally when their will for themselves matches what I think they should be doing.  I even do reasonably well with the concept when another is doing something that I don't necessarily agree with or care for, but I don't consider dangerous or life changing.

When I start having a hard time, is when someone I love deeply chooses to do things that I feel are life threatening. 

As many of you know, I'm a recovering addict, so I have dealings with a lot of people that are struggling with addictions of all kinds.  Some of these are complete strangers, some are people that I've known or worked with for quite some time, some are family members of addicts, and others are essentially "my family" -- not by blood, but position in my life and in my heart.

Addicts and substance abusers use drugs and/or alcohol.  Most whom I encounter are trying to do something different, with different experiences, at any given time.  When these people are distant from my heart, I find I can stay objective and continue to be patient and (what I consider) helpful, without "my stuff" coming into the picture.  It's when the addict/alcoholic is someone I love and care about and they decide to use drugs or drink again, that the whole game changes, and my heart breaks. And I question CwG, or at least myself, when forced to answer the question: "What would love do now?"

Ugh...it's so tough.  What I found is this: Try as I may to change another's doingness and choices, I fail -- as many failed who tried to do the same for me. I learned that no one could change my journey except me, and I know that the same is true for others who are now "using," as I did once. 

I get the perfection of the Universe in co-creating with me the opportunity for me to experience both sides of this dilemma, and I deeply appreciate how tough it is to play each of the roles.  I know in my soul how hard it is to be an active addict, and also how hard it is to love someone who can't seem to stop their addiction or alcoholism.  These are truly two ends of the spectrum of the same dilemma in many ways.

I've come to understand that when someone I love chooses to go back to doing drugs, the only thing I can do for him/her and myself is to love myself enough to get away from the dangers of that situation, and to love the other enough to say, "I love you and I can't participate in this type of behavior with you in any form or fashion.  I can't give you money.  I can't talk to you on the phone.  I can't help you until you're willing to help yourself.  I hope you don't die before that happens."

You talk about a rip-your-heart-out-of-your-chest encounter like few others, this is it.  And truth be told, there is little solace when you're driving away and you look at your friend or loved one fading in your rearview mirror, knowing you may never see them alive or free again.  There is little comfort in your bed at night as you toss and turn, worried about them and asking yourself if you've really done the most "loving" thing.

Days turn into weeks or more as you wait and wonder...will they call for help or will the call be to let you know they're dead or in jail?

For me, I've found that if I've given this person everything I've got in the way of help and love, when the time comes to stop and honor the choices that they make - whether I agree with those choices or not - I can do so easier knowing that God is there and always listening and that, just as the other has, I have brought this experience to myself to know and define who I really am. 

I can choose to know define myself as loving to myself.  I can know myself as non-judgmental and loving and concerned for another, without requiring them to be different or to choose something else.  I can know myself as a friend that will be there should the one I love choose differently at any time.  I can know myself as deeply compassionate.

If I find I need to do more than know myself as these things, if I find I need to be more proactive in my own journey, I can easily seek out others that need and want help and I can offer to assist another in having the experience that I wish for the one I love - the experience of sobriety and healthy living.  This would be a demonstration of who I really am in a way that lessens my own grief and gives something back to my fellow man.

What I've found is that when I act in this way towards those I deeply love who struggle with addiction and alcoholism, when I stop myself from picking up the phone and begging and pleading with them to stop, or trying to intervene and get them to change the behavior before they're complete, they tend to come back to me quicker and there is less ill will, and it is then that I am able to offer whatever help I can to assist them in finding their way back to recovery. 

This scenario can and does happen over and over again, and I continue to show up no matter how many times it takes, because to me, that's what love would do.  That's what those who loved me did over and over again until the day I got sober. How can I give those I love any less?

Yes, it hurts the heart; yes, it's a path full or false starts, disappointment, broken dreams. But sometimes there comes a time when the beloved other chooses differently.  They "get it" and get clean and sober.  Then they may even choose to do for others what you did for them. 

If you reach this place it is then that you'll know, with no reservation, that who you are and what you've done has been what love would do, and you'll deeply appreciate the power of love in a way few do.

Each of us is love, and being that comes with the full gamut of emotions.  It's not always easy or fun, but to love another without condition, need or requirement can bring you a knowing of who you really are more than any other experience out there. 

Try it.

Until next week...love like you can't get hurt.

Marion Black, Executive Director

marion@cwg.org / (541)301-0365

Each week we present in this space the best from past entries on the worldwide CwG Blog.  The blog can be accessed daily on the home page at www.beliefnet.com.

I met a living master last Saturday night. Her name is Byron Katie. She is the author of several books, including:

Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

I Need Your Love - Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead

and her latest book....

A Thousand Names for Joy: Living in Harmony with the Way Things Are

Katie (everyone who knows her calls her by her last name, which she essentially uses as if it were her first) came to my town over the weekend to offer a workshop, prior to which she offered a free introductory evening, so that people could have a firsthand experience of her doing what she calls The Work.

The Work, if you do not already know, consist of four questions that Katie invites you to ask yourself at any time that you are "hung up" on a particular thought or idea about yourself or another, or about any situation that is plaguing you. She claims the asking and the answering of these questions change help you "get off it," and can alter your experience of any unpleasant or unwelcome thought or emotion.

On Saturday she sat before several hundred people who jammed a meeting room at the college in our town (they were standing along the walls and sitting on the floor in front of the first row of seats) and demonstrated this process.

Here are the four questions that Katie suggests you ask:

1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3. How do you react when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?

The Work can be done either by oneself or with another person.

I went to Wikipedia today to learn more about all this process of inner inquiry. Here is what I found on this Internet open source...

"First one identifies a belief or thought related to a topic that causes anxiety or unhappiness. Initially one is encouraged to choose something which feels important, which annoys or troubles you, that someone else does or did: for example 'My mother never loved me,' or 'Tom shouldn't expect me to solve his problems.'

"One by one, the person doing The Work asks themselves, or is asked, each of the four questions listed above. If they are doing the Work by themselves, people are asked to write down their response, and if they are doing it with another person they speak their answers aloud.

"After the four questions, the thought is literally turned around to its opposite. For example: 'My mother never loved me' turns around to 'My mother always loved me,' Then the person doing The Work sees if they can find ways that this new thought is equally true, or more true, than the original thought.

"The turnaround also takes the form of turning the statement around to oneself: 'I never loved my mother,' or 'I never loved me.'

"Katie sumarizes The Work as: 'Judge your neighbor, write it down. Ask four questions, turn it around.'

"Katie has applied this technique to exploring painful beliefs across many topics, including relationships, parenting, illness, death and trauma. She has facilitated The Work with audiences in widely varying situations, from ordinary people dealing with financial worries to prison inmates and survivors of armed conflict."

That is taken from Wikipedia, as I have noted above. I had a chance to meet and talk with Katie for a brief moment after Saturday's event and I want to tell you, she's the Real Deal Meal. There's not a fake bone in her body, there's not a single pretentious fiber.

Let me see here if I can illustrate how The Work works...

...Let's say, for the sake of discussion, that you have just found out that you have been laid off, "downsized" out of your company. And let's say that you have a thought about it that sounds something like this:

"I am being betrayed and damaged by my company laying me off."

Now, let's do The Work. With regard to the above thought, let's ask the Four Questions:

1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3. How do you react when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?

Then, let's do what Katie calls The Turn-around. Let's see if we can find a way to turn it around.

"I am not being betrayed and damaged by my company laying me off."

Can you think of any examples of how or why this Turn-around could be true? Think of one or two of those ways or reasons, and write them down.

Okay, now you've done The Work. The only question left is...which thoughts about this do you choose to believe, and to live out?

Now I'm going to do The Work on a thought...on one of the thoughts...that I have been having about a relatively straightforward and uncomplicated medical procedure that I was to undergo this past week (It was postponed because a snowstorm in my town made it impossible to get to the hospital for all but emergencies. I'll be re-scheduling for the middle of this month). I have had, for several days, a worrisome thought about it that goes something like this: "This is going to be uncomfortable and nerve-wracking and dangerous."

Using Katie's process of inquiry (Katie says, Leave no thought unquestioned), I would now examine that thought...

1. Is it true?
2. Can I absolutely know that it's true?
3. How do I react when I believe that thought?
4. Who would I be without the thought?

Of course, I do not know that this thought is true. And I certainly do not absolutely know it's true. How I react when I think this thought is with a quivering stomach and just a little shortness of breath and with not very happy feelings. How I would be without this thought is peaceful, happy, and calm.

There are several ways that I could turn this statement around. The most obvious is: This is not going to be uncomfortable, nerve-wracking, or dangerous. I could go further with that. I could think: This is actually going to be easy. I am going to enjoy joking about it, chatting amiably with the nurses, kidding the doctor, and engaging the procedure with great curiosity.

You see, Katie's point is that things happen to us and around us, and we can't control much of that. But we can control how we experience it by choosing what we think about it. Your entire experience of life, she says, is contained in your thoughts. The problem is that people tend to imagine that their thoughts are out of their control. Katie says that is not true -- and that most of the time the thoughts we are thinking are things that we are simply making up. They are not true. We do not and cannot know them to be true. We are simply conjuring ideas and then living into them, stepping into them, as if they were true. Thus, we create worry, anxiety, upset, even anger. We live unhappily in these moments -- and, alas, these moments are not few and far between, but, instead, rather frequent and constant in people's lives.

So Katie says, the moment you have an unwelcome or worrisome or angry thought, simply question it. Then look closely at how you might feel if you just changed your mind about that idea you are holding. Turn it around. See it from another perspective. Let your mind be the Master of your experience.

Norman Vincent Peale wrote a book about turning your negative ideas around 50 years ago or more. He called it The Power of Positive Thinking. Esther and Jerry Hicks have just written a text that hovers around the same notion: The Astonishing Power of Emotions. And next month my own new book explores this idea deeply. It is titled Happier Than God. All of these books -- as well as Katie's marvelous books listed above -- may be ordered from any of the online bookstores and be in your home within 24 hours. I think you would love reading any one of them.

Now Katie is not suggesting simply "positive thinking" here. Her idea is that we can all love "what is," no matter what that happens to be, not simply by moving immediately to a more positive thought about it. This may do nothing but put a band-aid on it, "covering" your real thought with a cosmetic idea that you may or not may not be able to hold as your truth.

But if we deeply examine our thought about what is happening through the process of critical inquiry that Katie calls The Work, she believes that such inquiry will lead us logically and naturally to another way of viewing the data -- a view that we will be able to hold onto because it is soundly based in logic and reason, not just "wishful thinking." This new view, she says, has the power to alter our experience.

So, there you have it. What do you think about that? And, as you explore what you think about that, ask yourself...

1. Is it true?
2. Can I absolutely know that it's true?
3. How do I react when I believe that thought?
4. Who would I be without the thought?